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| "I got some bad ideas in my head." |
The still above is from a masterfully acted and directed scene. It has everything to do with the male experience, in my opinion. This is an extremely male movie. Not that this means women can't find anything in it- appreciating a movie has nothing to do with gender, but themes do. So many things are going on in this movie that it's hard to even know where to start. What's displayed in this scene however is so commonly how men talk to other men about their emotions.
It can feel impossible. It can feel like you're shooting yourself off into some vast dark territory, totally unexplored and uncharted, and you find, in this place, that there is nowhere to stand, nowhere to plant your feet, and you float totally exposed and vulnerable. You find that in this place, the other man will not dare go there with you. You cannot stand to establish eye contact in this place because that would be to drag the other man into this place where nothing can stand between you and how you actually feel. No humor to soften the blow of being human. You then uncomfortably make general statements that are completely meaningless to confirm that the other man will just "be alright" to avoid talking about anything.
And here's what I'll say about masculinity that I feel like is maybe inaccurate. I feel like I hear a lot about how the reason for this behavior is a fear of being "weak." Or that we feel like we're not aloud to cry. I strongly disagree. I at least don't think that this is my personal experience of being male. I think that going to that vulnerable place is so hard for men not because they're afraid of appearing weak, it's that it's literally just a behavior that was never encouraged being a young boy. As a child you are taught how to deal with your problems and I don't think young boys are taught how to do that in healthy ways at all. It's all about suppression. It's all about pretending you have the strength to pretend everything is fine. I think maybe the men and women behind this sexist practice maybe did come from a place where it was a societal issue. That they believed this is how a man is strong, that his behavior reflects his place in a societal hierarchy and to succeed in this hierarchy means to rise above emotional turmoil. Meaning precisely to rise above being human, and this behavior will ALWAYS end in personal destruction. Personal destruction leading to external violence. I feel strongly that most of my male friends do not struggle with asking for help and being vulnerable and honest because they're afraid of being considered weak, I think it's because it's literally a behavior they never practiced.
This scene is uncomfortable and heartbreaking because it displays this exact issue. These men have no idea how to be human. The other man utterly lacks the tools to even talk honestly to Travis.
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